A cute twenty-something waiter was flirting with Lil‘ Rob while we were having dinner with friends a few weeks ago. I tried to caution Lil‘ Rob that twenty-somethings have a tendency to be clingy.
“They always fall in love,” I said. “You gotta start breaking up the moment you say hello. Besides, he’s a waiter. Why are you and Paul always liking the help?”
“Gurl, I’m not looking to marry him,” laughed Lil‘ Rob.
“Try telling them.”
Hours later we found ourselves on the rooftop at Nellie’s when Lil‘ Rob started chatting up another twenty-something tyke. I eventually lost them at Town.
The next morning I received a text message from Lil‘ Rob: Gurl, this one won’t go away.
When are people gonna listen? The rules are simple:
Paul discovers he has a not-so secret admirer through Missed Connections.
Paul, Mr. Fancy Pants at my Starbucks – m4m – 23 (N Austin)
Reply to: pers-xxxxxxxx@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-09-04, 12:20PM CDT
You come into my Starbucks up in Northwest Austin all the time, and you are always pretty flirty with me and I think you are really good-lookin. You are always dressed up so well (tie and all), and you usually get just a venti coffee, but today (9/4) you got some other people in your office some drinks too. I also found out today, your name is Paul. I’m the guy that is usually running around like a crazy person, talking really loud, and laughing a lot, haha. Although I’m sure you would know who this is immediately if you read this. I’ve always thought you’re attractive, and it seems like you think the same of me, even my coworkers think you have a thing for me, haha. Anyway, if you see this feel free to email me and maybe we can do something, get a cup of coffee perhaps. Either way, I’m sure I’ll see you at the store tomorrow morning.
Oh, let me count how many things are wrong with this situation.
“I’m the guy that is usually running around like a crazy person”? Enough said.
He’s 23. Practically a full 12 years your junior. You know you have to start breaking up with him before you even go out with him.
He works at Starbucks. Why do you always like the help?
Tasty and Kelly were teasing Lil‘ Rob for wanting to change his wardrobe after dinner, and joked about him twirling in front of the mirror.
“I can understand,” I said putting down my fork. “Except, instead of twirling, I like to gaze into a full-length mirror and pretend I’m Natalie Wood. You know, as Louise in the movie version of Gypsy with Rosalind Russell?”
“I’m pretty,” I quoted, staring into an imaginary mirror and slowly touching my hand to my face. “I’m a pretty girl, mama.”
“Wow! You had so many layers of gay going there,” laughed Tasty. “There was the movie reference, the actress, the quote, and the action.”
Guess whose faces grace the pages of the MetroWeekly interweb again? Is nothing else going on in DC night life? Featured below: Lil‘ Rob, Ginger, Squirrel, Carlotta. I am by far the least photogenic of my friends. Plus, it’s time to go on that Tic Tac and water diet.
I may not know as much about sports, politics, religion, and music as my friends, but damn it, I know movies and television.
After watching a YouTube video of Patti Smith perform “You Light Up My Life” with several friends, I recalled that Didi Conn performed the song in the movie of the same name. No one seemed to know the movie. But I was mortified when Moulin Rouge wrongly corrected me, claiming that everyone’s favorite beauty school drop-out performed the song in The Jazz Singer, starring Neil Diamond.
Ahem.
I thumbed the rim of my drink and paused to think: Do I cuss you out now or just serve you another Jack and Coke?
“Well,” I said. “I seem to remember it differently. But I could be wrong.”
He restated his position.
“Uh,” I paused again. “Ohh, does anyone remember that movie with Valerie Bertinelli?” I asked trying to distract myself. “She sang ‘You’ve Got A Friend’ or something like that.”
For the record, Didi Conn starred in the 1977 drama You Light Up My Life. However, she lip-synced the Academy Award-winning song; the song was performed by Kasey Cisyk. Debby Boone also covered the title song the same year, taking it to number one for ten weeks on the U.S. pop charts.
Neil Diamond starred in The Jazz Singer in 1980. Conn was not in the movie. The female lead was played by Lucille Ball’s daughter, Lucie Arnaz.
